AS I AGE, I REALIZE THAT:
I talk to myself, because sometimes I need
expert advice.
Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
I don't need anger management. I need people to
stop pissing me off.
My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll
remember it."
When I was a child I thought nap time was
punishment. Now it's like a mini- vacation.
The day the world runs out of wine is just too
terrible to think about.
Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves
in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've
put them on my knees.
When the kids text me "plz" which is
shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than
"yes".
At my age "Getting lucky" means
walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
