January 21, 2017 agenda
[Buzzing the new Press Secretary, Eric Bolling] “Eric, would you please arrange for a quick
press conference at 1:45 this afternoon in the White House briefing room? I’ll be signing my first executive order, so
I’ll need a desk, chair, pens, etc.
Yes…. perfect. Oh, I’ll speak but
I won’t take questions today – I think my remarks will be self-explanatory. As soon as you set that in motion, please
join me in my office. I have several
phone calls to make.
Yes today! [laughter] Forgive the short notice but I
know you can work a miracle for me. Yes,
I’m jumping in with both feet. Why not
make a little news on Day 2.”
My first call would be to the new Emir of Qatar, Sheikh
Tamim bin Hamad al-Thani.
“Good
afternoon, Your Excellency. Thank you
for taking my call – I will be brief.
The
United States is no longer your ally.
You have opted for your country to fund radical Muslim factions
throughout the Middle East, particularly ISIS.
The United States is suspending all relations, including aid, with your country
effective immediately. The planes that
arrived last night and took off at sunrise are bringing home all Americans,
including the complete diplomatic staff based in Doha.
Additionally,
American military and contract employees in charge of our embassy security are
likewise now airborne and entering Mediterranean air space.
You
have thirty days to cease and desist funding and support to ISIS. If you opt NOT to follow this order, it is this
government’s intention to obliterate your country with any means possible.
Please
say ‘I understand’ if you DO understand what I have said.
[Silence]
I
understand you are fluent in English. A
final diplomatic pouch should be arriving at your palace shortly, with my
demands in English as well as Arabic. I
do not want any confusion about what I have said.
Good
day, Excellency.”
My second call would be to the President of the United
Mexican States, Enrique Peña Nieto.
“Buenos dias, Sr. Presidente. I know you are
busy so I will be brief.
You
have been holding one of my former Marines, Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi, in jail
for a number of months. You have 24
hours to return this man, along with all of his belongings including the weapons you confiscated, to the United
States. If you fail to do this, the
busses will begin coming to Mexico.”
“What
busses, Madam President?”
“The
busses that will be lined up two days from now to repatriate your citizens, who
have poured into this country illegally.
Not only will they be returned but, pursuant to Article II, Section 2 of the
Constitution, I am federalizing the National Guards of all Border States. As
Commander-in-Chief I will be directing them to take up armed positions along our common border with orders to shoot to kill anyone trying to enter
the United States illegally. THOSE
buses. Are we clear, Sr. Presidente?”
[Silence]
“I
assume we are. Tiene un buen dia.”
Third call, after getting myself a cup of coffee, would be
to my Secretary of State, the Honorable John Bolton.
“Good
morning, John. I hope you’re getting
settled in because I want to move forward on the complete review of the budget
for the State Department like we discussed. It’s time to
start rewarding our friends and jettisoning those who are not.
Please break it down by country into Peacekeeping, Foreign Military
Financing, and Counterrorism expenses from last year. Then I would like this put into two columns, please. One column
would be ALLIES and the other column would be NOT SO MUCH…..
[laughter]. Yes….. Any idea how long that will take? Excellent!
Oh… By the way, please cease
ALL funding to Qatar immediately.
I
look forward to sitting down with you soon.
Absolutely, John - you too.”
My fourth call will be a surprise to everyone. It’s to my newly appointed Director of the US
Office of Personnel Management, Liz Cheney.
“Good
morning Liz. Is there any chance you
could come to my office after lunch today, say 1:30? ………Wonderful – I look forward to seeing you
and I promise our meeting will be short.
Thank you.”
Next call will be a conference call with the Leader of
the Senate, the Honorable Marco Rubio, and the new Speaker of the House, Rep.
Marsha Blackburn
“Good
morning Senator Rubio and Rep. Blackburn.
Congratulations to you both on your new jobs within the Congress. I look forward to working with you both.
Having
said that, please forgive this short notice but I would be honored if you could
both join me in a brief meeting after lunch, around 1:30. Would that be possible? [replies]
Excellent! I promise not to keep
you very long. See you then.”
My next call will also be a conference call to the new Minority leaders of the
Senate and House, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi with a similar invitation to join
me at 1:30 in my office. Oh – how nice –
they both accepted.
[Buzz to Eric]” Eric, I’m expecting
Liz, Marco, Harry, Nancy, Allen and Marsha here for a quick private meeting
at 1:30. I want you here as well….wonderful.
[Buzzing my White House Chief-of-Staff, Allen West] “Allen, everything is a go for this
afternoon at 1:30, with the press conference at 1:45. Please join me upstairs for a quick lunch at
noon with the new ‘first man’ and the girls.
Wonderful! See you soon.”
1:30 p.m. January 21,
2017
[Greeting the invitees as well as Allen and Eric as they
file into the Oval Office]
“Please grab a seat, and thank you all for coming. I’m about to make an announcement that was NOT specifically part of my campaign agenda for the last year – I’m certain you will understand why.
I have a press brief in 15 minutes where I will sign the following Executive Order. I wanted all of you to hear this from me first, as I’m sure there will be immense fallout.
Rest assured…. The fallout matters not a whit to me. This is my first step as President to reduce the federal budget and to give this nation back to the people who are paying for it.
I will be reading the following statement to the nation in 12 minutes and upon completion I will sign an Executive Order putting this in motion.”
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE PRESS,
FELLOW CITIZENS…. AS A FIRST STEP TO FULFILL MY CAMPAIGN PLEDGE TO REDUCE THE SIZE OF
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT AND HENCE, FEDERAL SPENDING…. I AM ON THIS DAY SIGNING
AN EXECUTIVE ORDER THAT WILL GO INTO EFFECT AS SOON AS THE INK ON THE PAPER
DRIES.
TO WIT, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
THERE WILL BE A COMPLETE, TOTAL AND UNEQUIVOCAL FREEZE ON ALL GOVERNMENT HIRING
IN EVERY CABINET, IN THE 15 MAJOR DEPARTMENTS AND ALL AGENCIES THAT COMPRISE THE EXECUTIVE
BRANCH, RIGHT DOWN TO THE SMALLEST SUB-COMMITTEE. THIS WILL BE THE CASE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. THIS WILL ALSO APPLY TO, BUT NOT BE LIMITED
TO, GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS. THE ONLY
EXCEPTION WILL BE THE UNIFORMED MILITARY SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES. ANY HIRES IN PROGRESS BUT NOT COMPLETED AS OF
2:00 TODAY WILL BE SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE."
“Any
questions? Nancy, dear – you look pale. Here
– have some water. Everyone, please take a deep breath as we begin. Shall we adjourn to the White House Briefing room for this announcement and the signing of the Executive Order?.”
1:45 p.m., January 21, 2017
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES…
“Good
afternoon everyone. Thank you all for
coming on such short notice. I am today
taking a page from the playbook of my predecessor, President Obama….. and using
my pen.
“LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN OF THE PRESS, FELLOW CITIZENS….
===================================
This is some of the stuff MY dreams are made of……
